Calling All Ladies and Gentlemen . . .



John Jacob Astor IV, who is
said to have put on his tuxedo during
the sinking of the Titanic, so he could
die "like a gentleman."


Read carefully -- there will be a quiz.

Today, I was in the drugstore with my little boys. At the check-out, there was a line of magazines, right at their eye level. Each magazine was graced with a picture of a beautiful woman. Most were wearing low-cut dresses, but one of the women was seductively opening her shirt, exposing most of her bra; her head was thrown back, eyes mostly closed, mouth barely open.

Recently, on the radio, I heard a song. The singer used the "f-word" but they "edited it out," so that he only said: "fffk," in the song.

On Nickelodeon, the children's channel, there is a show called "Victorious," about a bunch of kids in a performing arts high school. Victoria, the main character, sings a song called "Freak the Freak Out." Some lyrics: "What I'm gonna do now is freak the freak out."

Two Scholars (A Parable)

Once upon a time, two young men set out on life's journey. The both had the same goal: to become happy and wise. Their names were Carl and Neil.

They both enrolled in a legendary university. Both of them read every book known to man. Both of them paid careful attention in classes and they both heard every word the professors said. Carl would furiously take notes. Neil would sit quietly with fingers locked behind his head and listen, sometimes with a smile and sometimes with a grimace. From time to time Neil would speak in class, often challenging his teachers' opinions. All the while, Carl kept meticulous notes. When the class would laugh, Carl would look up, confused, and Neil would explain the joke.

The Choices of Spiderpotato

Hospital waiting room. Four hours to go for us. A roomfull of people waiting and waiting.

She is one of the few in my continued view. I watch her from time to time because she is knitting one of those scarves that is all fly-away fuzzy like a crazy Muppet's hair -- like a white boa. Somehow making this entails knitting three kinds of yarn together at the same time. I watch the skeins form into a scarf at her shriveled hands and can't help thinking she is really a spider.

The Heart's Hero: Dr. John H. Gibbon

The Babe calls his shot?

Raise your hand if you have heard of Babe Ruth. Okay that's what I thought. (Yes, I can see through this thing. Spooky, eh? Look closely at the eyes of the rabbit in the header -- secret cameras.) Anyway, exactly what I expected: everyone but a few cantaloupes, a broken screen-door in Glasgow and a newborn or two in the Arctic has heard of The Babe.

Okay, now, raise your hand if you have ever heard of John H. Gibbon. Hm. Again, as I expected. Some doctors and a few med students. Oh, and I see the guy who was sitting a few chairs down from me in the waiting room at Thomas Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia all day yesterday. (We both read -- over and over again -- about Gibbon on a big display which explained why the building was named after him.)

Curmudgeo and Progresso (A Dialogue)

Once upon a time two men, Progresso and Curmudgeo, discussed a fascinating new invention:

Progresso: [thumbs in waistcoat pockets] Behold!

Curmudgeo: What is it?

Progresso: A "water closet".