Dear Albrecht: V



Albrecht Soothspitz, b. 1347

Take heart, dear readers! Albrecht is back. This batch of letters took him an extraordinarily long time. (Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a magically preserved medieval philosopher supplied with quills in New Jersey? -- especially when said medieval philosopher goes through epic stretches of ennui?) While is Wii addiction eventually wore off, Al developed a powerful attachment to fantasy football. He has no idea, whatsoever, how the game is played, mind you, but he so enjoyed the onion dip and Guinness at the league meetings, he couldn't resist. Please, as always, bask in his wisdom. Then . . . evaluate it carefully, for your sake and the sake of those around you.
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Dear Albrecht:

My mom is all mad at me because she saw some pictures of me on Facebook. I was at a college party and, in the pictures, I am lifting my shirt. But, like, I had a bra on. Like, big deal. It's not like I was naked. I don't see what she is all worked up about. What do you think? I don't want to be, like, a prude.

Signed,
PROUD TO BE ME

Dear Albrecht: IV

Albrecht Soothspitz, b. 1327

Albrecht has sent a new pile of letters up to me from his little cottage in the woods. It has been quite a while, but I suppose six-hundred-year-old philosophers with Wii addictions just aren't as concerned with deadlines as the rest of us. I hope you find his wisdom as enlightening as ever. If you have missed his previous advice columns, you can catch up here, here and here. Please remember: We at Hats and Rabbits do not necessarily share Albrecht's viewpoints.

Dear Albrecht: II

Albrecht Soothspitz (b.1327)

Bottom line is, Albrecht happens to love both mulled wine and wassail. Go figure. The number of letters pouring in to "Dear Albrecht" is overwhelming, but Albrecht is doing his best. What with his being pretty drunk most of the time (we've been heating wassail and mulled wine in vats for him) and coupled with the fact that he answers his mail in calligraphy on skin pages and then makes me type things onto the blog, he can only answer a few at a time, but he is doing his best, so please show some Christmas patience. Anyway, this week's letters:

Dear Albrecht

Friends, I am pleased to announce the addition of a second staff member here at Hats and Rabbits: Mr. Albrecht Soothspitz. (That's him in the picture.) Anyway, I am mostly pleased. He sort of forced me to let him write an advice column on account of he followed me home from a backpacking trip in Europe. He had been lost in an old forest for centuries when I came upon him. He followed me into a bar and got some dirt on me and threatened to use it if I didn't let him guest post. Anyway, welcome Mr. Soothspitz. He will be contributing as he receives requests for advice. Please feel free to ask Albrecht for advice via our "contact" page. Our first letters:



Dear Albrecht:



My daughter just started dating a young man and I believe he might be addicted to "huffing" paint. His nostrils are always rimmed with a strange shade of violet. I want to point this out to my daughter, but I am afraid I will alienate her. I don't want her to get the sense that I am trying to run her life. She is sixteen years old now and I want to give her some space. What advice can you offer?

Signed,
VACILLATING OVER VIOLET