A Benevolent Letter From Warren Schmegiggie: CEO of Widgets-4-U, Inc.

W. Schmegiggie

Hi. I’m Warren Schmegiggie.

Here at Widgets-4-U, we are saddened by what we see going on in America today. Well, not really by what is going on, so much, but by what it is doing to our bottom line and by the fact that all the other companies are writing letters like this. So now we have to. I suppose we also should suspend sales for a day or something; maybe shift production to #blacklivesmatter T-shirts. We’ll see what the other companies do.

Anyway, we want you to know that silence makes you a racist, so we are speaking up. I know a white guy who dedicates his life to helping troubled black kids, but...NOT ONE POST. I guess we all see the truth now, eh? Dissembler. 

In short, we hire black people sometimes. And we love them. One is even a shift supervisor. 

Sure, we’ll be glad when this stuff isn’t in the news anymore and we can go back to just making money, but, for now, we are all united in the cause.

So, for God’s sake, do something. I mean, don’t, like, go anywhere if you don't feel like it... But say you are heartbroken a lot. If you can, get a stick hit and yourself on the back with it while chanting about your sins of white privlege. People like that, and it really, really helps things.

And, take my advice: Whatever is done in the protests, don’t complain; you'll dull the edge. If we learned one thing from this, it’s that the only way to defeat hate is with hate. The only way to get back at police is to burn down a Chinese restaurant. It's simple logic. If I may quote Dr. King: “Eff the police...and egg rolls, too, while I’m at it!”

And the police? Well, I'm no Roger Murtaugh ["I'm too old for this s$#t;" I love that guy!] but I have seen a few movies in my day. The best way to avoid a riot is to show up dressed for war. It's worked all this time, so why stop? Bottom line is police have been avoiding riots for years by showing up in full war gear. If it ain't broke...

What I am trying to say is we can get through this as long as the media doesn’t focus on snowflake nonsense like the peaceful teamwork of police and protesters in Camden, NJ and in Flint, Michigan. A bunch of morons walking together and being civilized to each other. Yeah, that's going to get a lot done. That's going to change things. Sure.

Anyway, one thing I know is that the only way for us to heal is to intimidate one another. So, let the tear gas fly and let the stores be looted! In the end we all will have learned who's the toughest and the toughest is always the happiest, if you ask me.

And, please, when this is all over, buy our widgets. (If I left anything out or said anything that is racist without knowing it, please don't be mad. It's hard to keep up with what is okay anymore.)

Warm Regards,
Warren Schmegiggie,
CEO of Widgets-4-U: Widgets for the Future!

Point of View vs. Video Views

Is the world more insane than it ever has been or is the vomit-like dissemination of images, text and information just showing the insanity in more clarity than ever? (Makes me think of Spenser's dragon vomiting paper and books for some reason.)

The chicken-or-egg factor is that it may well be that the world was always insane and that the vomit-like dissemination is showing it more vividly but that this dissemination is simply encouraging more insanity. 

Police, for example. Do I always like them? No -- but do I always like any group in any profession? No. The sad fact is, though, that, when a waiter is unlikable it ruins your meal. When a police officer is unlikable, it could -- conceivably -- ruin your life. Being a police officer is being in a position in which one could easily choose to abuse his power. No doubt. Sadly, it is also a profession in which not using one's power at the right time an lead to injury or death for the officer. Every decision balances on the proverbial blade.

Again, it could lead to an abuse of power. Sure, there a few evil eggs in the law-enforcement fridge, but the majority of people, while certainly not perfect, are not evil. This carries over to the majority of cops. They are, after all, humans. 

Let's face fact: we need law-enforcement. Most of us have, at some point, been glad of the police, too. 

That said, I am a firm believer in the importance of questioning authority. It is essential in a free society. Somehow, though, "questioning authority" has turned into "baiting authority" in the modern do-it-yourself media age. 

One can find copious videos of amateur lawyers acting like three-year-olds during routine traffic stops, just to anger the cops into making them famous. You can watch this one, if you want, but if you don't want to, let me summarize: the "straw man, " clickbait title is "Cops arrest for asking for a pen to sign a ticket." This young man gets pulled over for a missing front license plate. A citation is in the works, but he baits the officer with the obviousness of an attention-seeking grade-schooler: why are you talking to me in that tone of voice; I can read the citation sideways if I want; I told you my licence plate fell off; "I'm pretty sure you guys are supposed to give a warning for something like that;" "You're still holding my citation, so I can't stop talking..."  (!!??) It goes on. And on. 

Living at the Lunch Table

I used to find myself enraged by the behavior of my fellow humans. Now I just tend to be embarrassed by it. What I find most embarrassing these days is the puerile use of metaphor by people with just enough education to think (erroneously) that they have something to say.

It wouldn’t be so bad if these rudimentary metaphors – ones used mostly in protest – weren’t dressed up as profound statements and if those making these pseudo-profound statements didn’t insist on prancing about during their little tantrums (or parties) of moral exhibitionism.

Lately, of course, these (“metaphoric “) “protests” have been occurring in the form of “die-ins” (very powerful affairs, especially when the participants are giggling and taking selfies on the ground) and police officers turning their backs on the Mayor of New York at funerals and hospitals and other formal functions during which the dignity of the occasion may just be more important than making an impotent point.

All of a sudden, the world is full of half-assed performance artists.

These issues are big. No doubt about it. But maybe they are deserving of intelligent, non-agenda-driven discourse and not stupid, middle-school theatrics.  It's like living at a seventh-grade lunch table.