The Penn State Scandal (Part 2): Sandusky's Surreal Comments

Okay -- so, I'm digging into current events like never before . . . but, if this particular one doesn't speak to the shriveling heart of the humanity, I don't know what does.

Everyone just relax, okay? Jerry Sandusky was just horsing around with those kids! He told Bob Costas (all quotes from this source):

"I have horsed around with kids. I -- I have showered after workouts. I have hugged them and I have touched their leg. Without intent of sexual contact," Sandusky said.

So we can all breathe a little easier. Thank God -- I mean, what is this world coming to when a grown man can't just jump into the showers with a ten-year old boy who barely knows him? What's wrong with you people? Doesn't anyone trust anyone else anymore? Sandusky is innocent, by nature. What's wrong with showering with boys? Man, you people are sick. Next thing you know, you'll be telling me that you think Michael Jackson wasn't perfectly justified sleeping with little kids in his bed.


(I know. He's dead and he is the King of Pop, but that doesn't make you any more sacred than being the greatest college football coach ever, does it?)

And as you can see by Sandusky's quote (which I am sure had nothing to do with advice from his lawyer), if there was any sexual contact, it was "without intent." Like . . . sometimes, people just brush up against one another. Oh, sure, all of you suspicious types would probably stand far away from the kid you were innocently showering with -- but Jerry doesn't think like you, because he is better than that. Sometimes, you just make unintended sexual contact with people.

Sick. The world's sick, that's what it is. We should all be ashamed for doubting Jerry.

No, Jerry Sadusky doesn't think like you evil-minded cynics. In fact, what you are all missing, according to his lawyer, is that Sandusky is just a jock. Jocks do this stuff, people:

"Jerry Sandusky is a big overgrown kid. He's a jock," Amendola said. "For anybody who's ever played sports, you get showers after you work out. I mean when people hear he got showers with kids -- oh my goodness you know like …he got showers with kids … that makes him guilty right?"

People are just goofy if they can't see that. A little naked horseplay never hurt anyone.

At any rate, Jerry Sandusky thinks it is all a hoot:

"Ok, we were showering and horsing around, and he actually turned all of the showers on and was actually sliding across the floor," Sandusky said. "And umm … we were, as I recall, possibly like snapping a towel, and horseplay."

And, as anyone who has taken showers with children understands implicitly, apparently, the next perfectly natural (and, Sandusky's attorney pointedly adds, non-criminal) thing to do is to progress to naked bear hugs:

"Jerry got a shower with him, and gave him a bear hug … all of which I might add doesn't involve criminal activity," the attorney said on CNN.

Alright: tone shift alert.

Did someone slip a drug into my coffee? Am I really, seriously seeing these statements in print? Are these two worms really trying to laugh off the accusations against Sandusky? Are they really trying to normalize naked horseplay with children?

It's absolutely surreal to me.

And what might be worse is that they are being granted the dignity by the media to be given a chance to say these things. I know people have a right to speak, but the media also has a right to say: "We refuse to give these smirking scumballs a platform." Oh, I know the media never will say that. The media makes its living by giving smirking scumballs a platform.

I know that everyone has a right to a trial. That is as it should be. But the immoral constitutions of two men who would say these things in light of the weight of this case is almost a crime in itself (though, I'm sure Amendola would be quick to point out it is not, according to the letter of the law).

And I certainly hope there are some moms and dads on that jury when Sandusky starts smirking and his souless lawyer starts prancing around pointing out how naked horseplay with kids isn't illegal and, so, doesn't make Sandusky guilty. I really hope so.

Because, I tell you, all you Sanduskys and Amendolas of the world: try anything close to that with my kids and there will be no trial. Not for you, anyway.