Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Burning Fuel (for Dreamers in a Dreamless World)

Ever spend a long, tossing-and-turning night before the morning that would determine the direction of your immediate future? -- after having thought for hours, alone, in the dark, through what decision you should make? -- after having spent the day looking at your children and your wife and at yourself in the mirror and wondering how much your personal dreams really mean in comparison to their simplest needs? -- after having awakened that morning, sure that it was time to make the change that would allow you to pursue the things you desire with more energy? -- after having gone to sleep the previous night with a churning heart full of undying teenaged longings?

Did you ever come to the conclusion that the huge change you felt you needed to make in order to remain happy was just a red herring being used to cover up for the fact that you are not enough of a man to gain ground on your dreams, in spite of it?

So, there it is, "Chris-in-the-mirror" -- you want more, you work for more. You stop looking for an escape hatch. You take out the garbage; you get blamed at work for problems you didn't create; you put in long hours; you get attacked by fools; you make doctors' appointments; you get on the treadmill.

And, all the while, you hold your ground, stop whining and make art that you hope someone -- anyone -- will remember when you are gone.

You take care of business; you grow the hell up. You burn your fuel for other people and then hope there is enough left, in the end, to get you to where you want to go.

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