Wednesday, July 16, 2014

I Know Not "Seems"

For years, I have heard people say that "confidence is sexy."

But, like, confidence, itself, right? Not confidence that one is sexy... 

Like...a professional who trusts in his or her instinct; who enters a room and sort of gets looked to as the leader; who walks upright and who isn't afraid to take responsibility or to speak out. This person can be sexy as a result of his or her sense of personal command or confidence. But, not the person who brags about his or her physical perfection in either words or selfie...

You know? 

To me, anyway, there is nothing less sexy than someone who thinks she is. (Insert your favorite pronoun/s here...ayam what ayam...)

I follow a local radio show on Twitter and they have "selfie Monday" -- which might just make me stop following them. Almost every selfie (that gets retweeted, anyway) is of a girl who makes extra sure to get all the best bits in the shot. Each girl has a manufactured smoulder on her face.


(The guys do it too, I guess, but, [not] oddly, they don't seem to get retweeted by the show.)

To naturally exude sexuality is very sexy; to be sexy is sexy. To act sexy is to act sexy. To seem sexy is artificial; it's synthetic hotness.

I'm with Hammy: "Seems, madam? Nay -- it is; I know not 'seems'."

And Keats said it: truth is beauty. And "duck lips" are most certainly not "truth."

Cuteness works the same way, you know. To me, 90% of a puppy's cuteness comes from the fact that he has no idea how cute he is. And would anyone disagree that a little kid who thinks he or she is cute is the least cute thing in the universe?

Me and my obsession with sincerity and truth...


  1. I'm neutral: is it okay, for example, if a person who is told very frequently that they're cute, to own it? Is it okay for them to show off and/or state their awareness of their being cute? If I were told I were attractive on several occasions, would it be okay for me to be confident in my attractiveness? This is something I've been considering for a long time now, and I still don't know the answer.

    Not sure, Chris. Not sure...

    I agree: duck lips are stupid, and the endless flood of girls pursing their lips and pushing their thighs outward to create the artificial "gap" is even worse.

    I disagree: I find no shame in implying that most girls do this. Let's face it, young girls from high school to college are the most likely to partake in this phenomenon of faux flamboyance.

    1. I think it is okay for one to be confident in one's attractiveness. Sure. I guess I over-stated things a bit. But when it comes to a desperate plea for people to notice, the confidence becomes something different. But, yeah, maybe it is finer-cut than I presented it here...

  2. It seems to me that attractive women generally know that they are.I think well of women who have self confidence that does not slide off into arrogance. As for selfies, they are not something my generation got to do.

    And if you're going to quote the English Renaissance poets, why not Ben Johnson: "Still to be neat, still to be dressed,/As you were going to a feast/Still to be powdered, still perfumed..."

  3. "Self confidence that does not slide off into arrogance." Amen to that.