Ever feel like you are in living life in a centrifuge? -- and every once in a while, they stop it to hand you a newer, shinier gadget than you had in the previous twenty minutes and then the whole thing starts spinning again?
So, now, they have this Google whatchamacallit that makes the Internet one-hundred times faster than broadband. A few cities competed for this. Remember the city that changed its name to "Google" for a month? Somewhere else a mayor jumped into the lake to get Google's attention. But the obvious question is: "What the heck do you do with an Internet speed that is one-hundred times faster than broadband?
And you know what -- no one knows! Not even Google. Check this out from an from an NPR report on the deal:
NPR: Wyandotte High School's auditorium was decked out in Google's colors for yesterday's announcement. Governor Sam Brownback declared it Google Day in Kansas. But he, too, is not sure what you can do with Internet connections of one gigabit per second.Does anyone else get a little freaked out by this? "Well -- heck -- let's just create awesome power and unleash it on the Earth and worry about what the heck it is for later." Sort of a spooky technological precedent, don't you think?
Governor SAM BROWNBACK (R. Kansas): Backstage, we were just talking ahead of time about, well: What does this mean? And everybody looks around, kind of - well, I am not exactly sure.
NPR: That's part of the point of this experiment, says Kevin Lo, who's general manager of the Google Access project. He says the new burst of speed will drive innovation and create its own applications, just like broadband did in the past decade.
Well, let me tell you something, Google. Don't come crying to me when your little "Access Project" gets a mind of its own and comes thrumping along with its massive titanium talons and it zeros in on you with its 3D, vector-graphics vision (with little, rapid-scrolling, unreadable scripts and multi-angular icons on the side) and locks its neutron lasers on your cerebellum, thereby melting you to a little, moaning plasma clump (with eyes) that is only capable of weakly whispering the phrase "Kill me . . ." Because if there is anything science fiction has taught me, it is that machines and mysterious scientific creations love to vaporize dudes in suits and lab coats -- especially the guys who actually created them.
Don't say I didn't warn you, O Wielders of Techno Doom! Ye have been warned. (That's right. I called you "YE.") WARNED, I tell you. I foresee strangled cries as you are wrapped up in a fiber-optic spider's papoose and sucked dry by the very wonders you wrought. The horror.
Then again, I'll bet this new Google thing can give me pictures of Rachel Weisz in higher resolution . . .