Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Do You Like Liking Like?

Finally, there's a way for me to validate my love for my wife; to immortalize it for the ages. Finally, loving commitment is legitimized in a world that encourages promiscuity and immoral canoodling. I saw it today while I was on Facebook: Click "Like" if you love your wife.

Thank you Facebook -- NAY! Thank you Powers of the Universe! How, in the name of all that is holy, was I ever to have shared my love with the world before this?

One can "like" lots of things, you know. God, for instance. (And, Lo! Jehovah smiled upon Ted for clicking "like" and He gathered Ted unto his side.) Or music. (An exclusive group.) Or baseball. One can "like" loving one's children, too. What kind of a bastard would you be if you didn't "like" that?

"This is what I like and I want the electronic world to know it," we can now scream from the top of Mount Digitalis!

Of course, I encourage everyone to "like" as many things as they can on Facebook. The piñata is broken open -- gather the candy, my friends. Don't be the kid that's left pulling individually-wrapped breath mints out of the tangled grass blades.

I know what you are going to say: "But, Chris, what about the increasing electronic footprint? Isn't there something else going on, here? Couldn't we possibly be compromising our privacy by 'liking' things on Facebook?"

Oh, please. Don't you think it is a little more likely that people are setting up random "like" pages on Facebook just to make you happy than that there is "something else going on"? Why are you so suspicious? History shows us that human nature leads people to do things out of the kindness of their hearts and in an earnest attempt to entertain their fellow vertebrates with no hope of personal gain. Duh. Someone was kind enough to set up a "like" page to make you happy and to allow you to share your paltry preferences with the wide world, and you dare question his motivation? That would make you just a little ungrateful, in my book.

I mean, what are you going to tell me next? -- that these "like" pages are just a way to profile you for marketing purposes and God knows what else? Next thing you know, you'll be telling me that when you mention chocolate in a status update an ad appears for Hershey's. Yeah. I'm sure. Seriously, see a psychiatrist, you conspiracy theorist.

No, my friends. I refuse to become jaded like you. I know the person who set up the "like" page for wife-loving just wants to be assured that love still exists in our cold, silicone world. His is a philosophical quest. He needs to know that I love my wife, just so he can bask in the warm glow of human affection.

Cold logic would dictate that free services are more likely pure altruism than systems with ulterior motives. Unless you are a some Suspicious Sally.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go back to Facebook and like like buttons. Maybe I will even like people who like liking like buttons. And cheese. I like cheese.

(By the way, regardless of anyone's opinions, there could never be anything wrong with "liking" Hats and Rabbits, so just put it out of your suspicious little noggin.)


  1. Well, after making your wife answer the door in that ungentlemanly way in your last post, the least you can do is press that like button. Personally though, I'd be holding out for an apology and a present, if I were in her position.

  2. Alas, maybe you are right. As far as the present . . . let's see . . . she already has perfectly good pants . . .

  3. Maybe you should get her cheese... quick check facebook and see if she "liked" cheese : )

  4. That's right! Just imagine what I could learn about my wife from her Facebook likes. Technology might just get me out of the doghouse after all!

  5. J Franzen has been reading your blog and pinching your ideas re Facebook and 'like':

  6. What? First the novels and now this? He'll hear from my lawyer. (In all seriousness, oddly similar, though . . .)