The Price of Fame: from Rock Shirts to Low-Cut Gowns

Such a weird soup we've boiled up with this virtual, social, meta-world we have created. 

I followed a young lady on Instagram a few years ago. She was a young drummer -- high school aged, I am guessing -- and after she commented on a post of mine, I checked out a video of her playing. She was very talented and I encouraged her in the comments. (I'm a drummer, too.)  She was cool: sort of a "tom-boy" totally about the drums; all about the retro-rock T-shirts and classic tunes and playing with endless energy. 

At this point, she has a huge following, and I am torn about the results I have seen. I mean, I am happy for her success. But, now, she sometimes puts videos of herself playing in...not rock T-shirts. Evening gowns, in fact, often, and party dresses. Revealing ones. 

Old man rant alert: What has happened? How did we get to a world in which guys think it is okay to watch her videos and say things like (and I quote) "Please, fall out..." (they are not talking about her hair ribbons) and "A front view would have been mint." 

Part of me wants to rebuke these jerks in the comments (my fatherly impulse kicks in: "How dare you talk to her like that?") but another part of me thinks, "Why didn't you stick with T-shirts? Your playing said it all, kid!" 

I guess the sad reality is that she would not have gotten as many followers if she had stuck with the T-shirts. I guess she knew she'd get these comments. And, yeah, I know she doesn't need me to defend her. In the end, though, it's hard not to fall into dad mode and think about the person behind the Instagram persona. 

Here we are on dangerous ground. The facile and short-sighted response to this might be to interpret what I am saying as "victim-blaming." Of course, it's not her fault those dudes are sexist jerks. She should be able to wear whatever she wants and not get electronically cat-called for it. The blame is on them: they think it's okay to say what they want because of what she is wearing. 

The sad part, however, is that she thought she needed to do this to get "likes" and she was right; that's the even sadder part. 

I stopped following her, because, strange as it may seem for the perverts of the world -- and they pop up in her comments, with pictures indicating their aged, seedy, whiskey-reddened mugs -- I have no interest in ogling a girl who is less than half my age; nor in seeing her ogled; nor in watching her present herself in a potentiall ogle-inducing manner when her talent was enough. 

It's a shame, because it used to make me smile to watch her play; the youthful energy was inspiring; it reminded me of my early days of playing for hours in my bedroom (God bless my parents' patience) and it reminded me that there is a foundation of joy in what can sometimes start to feel like a job for me, these days. 

I don't blame her for anything. I just wish the world were not so...the way it is... 

(The picture at the beginning of this post is if Viola Smith, one of the first pro female drummers who, ironically, often played in evening gowns...)

On Phones and Bruising One's Self

I have been known to rail against technology, yet I use it on quite a high level, with music production and even as a teacher. It's good and it's bad. Trent Reznor points out, in the film Sound City, that the current tech tools have enabled musicians to do things we could never do before but that it has not increased the number of great albums being made. In short, no amount of tech is going to make the mediocre, brilliant or the bad, good, in any discipline.

I am in a constant state of evaluating tech and its effects on me. When it affects me negatively, I eliminate or control its influence. My Facebook use is reduced, at present, by about 80%. I feel like a new man, for more reasons than I have time to explain right now.  Social media is no longer on my phone and...my phone is not always at my side.

I'll wait for the cacophony or world-wide gasps to die down before I continue.

Whether literally or figuratively, people do gasp at that idea, even as they panic and give themselves bruises during the self-pat-down-of-doom when they realize they have left home without their Precious. Because, here's the thing: The people around me expect me to have my phone on me at all times, whether they are friends, family, or professional colleagues. They all need to stop.

We each need to draw the line, for ourselves.

The other day, I was essentially given the cold shoulder  (no pun intended) for not having had my phone on my while I was shoveling snow.

Why do people think that they have a right to my attention whenever they want it? If they want to carry their phones at all times, they sure can do so. But I choose not to. Right now for instance, I am not sure where in the house it is. This morning, I drank two cups of coffee in silence -- without my phone; no Words with Friends; no Doodle Jump; no weather updates.

When I was a kid -- and into my adult years -- if I was not in the house, you would not get me on the phone. Way back in the dark past, you couldn't even leave a message for me, so, if you missed me, you missed me. (You might have been able to leave a message with my Dad, but, chances are he was working out voicing for the sax section on a big band arrangement and probably never really realized who he was talking to, let along remember a message for his kid.)

I get it. Paradigms shift. But, at some point, each of us needs to "dig in" and hold to the ideas that help life make sense to us. It just does not make sense to me that I need to be immediately at everyone's beck. I get to be left alone when I want to be, even as a professional. In my profession, people don't die if I don't get a call.

Are we all really so deluded as to our own "special" self-importance by all of this tech celebrity that is available to us for only a short "sign-up" for a social media program? (Heck -- what sign-up process? Just click the blue box to sign on with Facebook and weave yourself more claustrophobically into the heavy damp tapestry of the Interweb...) Is it all ego? -- "he needs to be available for me and I need to be available to others because I am so important"?  Well, I just ain't that important, and that feels good. And neither are you.

I'll tell you though...tech does have, as I said, its advantages. These days, if I don't want to talk to you I can look at my phone and ignore you. I can even -- oh, so therapeutically -- press a button that flat-out says: "IGNORE." In the old days, I just had to pick up the phone and wince when I realized it was you. That's progress.

Flies on the Steering Wheel

Like the fly on the wheel who says

"What a lot of dust we’re raising"

Are you under the illusion

That you’re part of this scheme?

- Neil Peart, "The Stars Look Down."

We have been duped by the doors that modern technology has opened into thinking we have way more power than we do. The new "opiate of the masses" is the impression that because we can, say, write a blog or post about social issues on social media, that we can "make a difference." We are all scuttling around -- all of us writers and socially conscious tweeters and Facebookers -- dumping our energy into the garbage bin. We click "post" and we feel as if we have contributed to the well-being of humankind, for the day. 

We have not. It is a drug. It lulls us into not acting in the way we should to help our fellow humans. It is a distraction; it is what we are doing while real opportunites for doing some thing meaningful are slipping away.

I recently wasted a large portion of intellectual and emotional energy on a Facebook discussion about a political issue. As I was wrapped up in it, I stopped and asked myself: Why am I doing this? Why am I investing time and emotional energy into this discussion? What's the payoff? The truth is, I was participating because I am Peart's fly arguing with some other flies. In point of fact, the only measurable results I have seen come out of conversations like this have been ruined relationships. I know tey say you shouldn't say this, but, "Never again."

Even this blog -- I love to write it. (I sounded like Donald Trump just there...ha!)  I have some excellent, consistent, intelligent followers. I have made some very cool "friends" through blogging; friends from many parts of the world. I appreciate that very much. But I have, long ago, dropped the illusion that what I say here has any impact beyond earning head-nods from those who would probably agree with me, anyway -- which is why they come back, really.

This is not to say that a conversation and a kicking around of the finer points of a topic are not useful. It is a worthwhile activity. But it is arrogant to think most of this is anything more than just a water-pistol squirt into the ocean. 

I recently saw a quote attributed to Mother Theresa:

"If you want to change the world, go home and love your family."

I have been saying things similar to this for around six years now, on this very site. We need to stop being sucked into meaningless "dialogue-ing" on social media and look to our neighborhoods, our children and our friends. That is where we can make a difference. We can make a difference by volunteering locally, by becoming teachers and couselors, but not by sharing memes and getting into scraps with people over Trump's administration.

We are, indeed (and I have been there, too), all that fly on Peart's steering wheel in the opening quotation. This sets the perfect stage; we think we are contributing to change, so that those who would take advantage of us can use the time to plot. At the risk of overdoing metaphors, the dogs have been thrown a steak (the Internet) and we canine fools hunch down and blissfully devour as life goes on outside.

Sure, I will keep writing what I think, but not because I believe I am in control of the wheel -- because I am the sort who has to express his ideas and because I hope to raise interesting questions that might -- just might -- contribute to something positive.

A "To Do" List in a Social Media World

Things to do just today, according to my friends, follows and fellow social media users. (Of course, I will have to do this after work and in between child-raising activities):

1. Sign petition to keep out Syrian refugees
2. Sign petition to let in Syrian refugees
3. Share meme about Jesus to prove I am a good Christian
4. Defend Christmas
5. Change my profile pic to the French flag to prove I have a heart
6. Find a missing child
7. Adopt fifteen pets without homes
8. Find a missing old woman
9. Support gay rights
10. Praise Caitlyn Jenner
11. Condemn Caitlyn Jenner
12. Hate the police
13. Love the police
14. Stop shopping at Chick-fil-A because they are evil
15. Go to Chick-fil-a because they are awesome
16. Stop shopping at Bloomingdales
18. Care about 127 youth soccer games and comment on all the pictures
19. Adopt fifteen more pets without homes
20. Sign petition for concealed carry of guns
21. Sign petition against concealed carry of guns
22. Mourn for Paris
23. Don't mourn for Paris; mourn for Beruit
24. Don't mourn for Beruit; mourn for the Russian dead
25. Apologize for mourning about the wrong people
26. Remember to call transexuals "she"
27. Remember to call transvestites "she"
28. Remember that if I judge people, others will condemn me
29. Draw a conclusion on an ongoing court case
30. Share a meme to prove I am a good father
31. Share a meme to show I am a good son
32. Share a meme to show I am a good husband
33. Share a meme to show I am a good treacher
34. Feel guilty that people are starving during the holidays
35. Wonder why people don't want me to feel guilty about this the rest of the year
36. Hate Donald Trump
37. Love Donald Trump
38. Hate Hillary Clinton
39. Love Hillary Clinton
40. Support particular homeless people (gay, transgender, under 20, over 50, women, men...)

Anyway, this was just all today. Please forgive me if I don't get to all of them. I have to pick up my sons after school at chess club and then help them with their homework and then help with dinner and then read some essays for school tomorrow... But I should get to at least 30 of these...

Finally! Ready-Made Posts for Social Media Users!

The way I see it, there are lots of wasted words out here in Internet Land, especially on Facebook and on Twitter. We must fix this. We haven't time to cobble together so many posts -- to say so many similar things in so many different ways. To this end, I have created this handy-dandy list of copy and paste-able posts. Instead of posting what you were thinking of posting, ask yourself: "Am I really just saying one of these things?" If so, simply copy and past from the list below! It will save you time; it will save me time and it will allow you to get quickly back to the truly important pursuits in your life.

I present to you THE GREAT, BIG LIST OF EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA POST EVER MADE. (Please feel free to suggest new ones if I have missed any. Together, we can end unnecessary word-waste!)

Without further ado, THE GREAT, BIG LIST OF EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA POST EVER MADE:

1. I look good, here.

2. I have a sandwich and you don’t.

3. I'm watching the game alone. 

4. Look how exciting my life is. (It's always like this, in case you wondered. Every minute.)

5. Aren’t I sweet?

6. Reposting this meme will actually, literally cure disease/save your soul/make you not an ass/prove you are a good friend.

7. If you don’t share this, you are a horrible person.

8. If you don't share this, God will hate you. 

9. I am a great parent, as you can see from this picture/anecdote.

10a. Thanks, Obama.

10b. Thanks, Obama!

11. I am racist and don’t realize it.

12. I am racist and I don’t care.

13. See how socially tolerant I am? You may begin praising me, below. 

14. Please, please, please ask me what’s wrong.

15. Ready, set...ARGUE!

16. I have no respect for my own children/husband/wife/mother/father.

17. Here's something about me no one in their right mind would want to know and that they wouldn't ever have known if someone hadn't invented social media and, consequently, the concept of privacy hadn't reached a state of complete collapse. 

18. Somehow, I have equated patriotism with never questioning anything “American,” even though countless people suffered and died for the right to do so. So, shut up or get out. 

19. My thoughts on this subject are (Fox News).

20. My thoughts on this subject are (The Daily Show).

21. So, what do you love about me? 

22. I have nothing to say, yet I must speak...because...Facebook. 

23. I must horribly argue about complex issues...because...Twitter.

24. Here is a meme that exhibits how misunderstood/quirky/unique/sassy I am.

25. I can't sleep and I want you to know because artsy people and geniuses have insomnia and that's me. 

I mean, if you have something original to say, go ahead and say it, but, really...why bother?

To Hug an Electron (My Week of Insignificance)

I had a pretty weird experience over the course of this past week. My wife went away on a much deserved vacation to Aruba. Circumstances meant that I could not go, but she went with a few of her friends.

Owing to the ridiculousness of charges for cell phone communication across the waves, we knew our interaction had to be limited. We texted once or twice, but that was about it. For the rest, I had to rely on seeing her Facebook posts.

I can only find two words to describe this experience: surreal and enlightening.

The surreal part: Watching a visual and a verbal record of the most important person in your life having a good time without you and being turned into just one of the multitude of people with whom she is sharing her experience. Very strange, when you are used to being her go-to guy.

Did I expect or want her to have a horrible time without me? Of course not. But, until this point in recent human history, time apart from one's lover and best friend amounted to phone calls that ended in: "I miss you. I love you. See you soon." The rest was up to the imagination -- I wonder what she is doing now...

In the Facebook era, "I can't wait to tell you all about it" has become "Just look at the pictures with everyone else."

Egocentric Sharing: Facebook and "Me"

My friend Ted's profile pic.

Facebook is kind of a paradox, if you think about it. It is a "sharing" site -- one that exists to promote "community" among online friends. That's why it should seem strange that it promotes a certain amount of ego-centrism. I'm not exempt from this; I don't think any Facebook user is. Some, however, are over the top.

This "sharing community," as I am sure I have mentioned, makes some of us automatically pretend to be movie stars. I won't get into it, but we've all seen the poses on the profile pics. It's embarrassing. (There is a rebellion against this with people who refuse to post pictures of themselves -- I do get that, but it also makes it harder for people to identify you as the same James Smith they knew in the seventh grade...)